Mysteries in Daily Life

Life is full of twists and turns,
and sometimes deep valleys.
walk through them all
and end our journey well
© St. Germain

This is one of the pics I took for one of my Celebrity Collection paintings. It was amazing how this rose stayed in this position for 2 weeks, in 80 degree weather. It was as if it was holding on to life, till the petals were almost totally faded to white.
Before my graduate work, one of the families we had befriended in Holland, called me, saying, "I can't find my daughter. Is she with you? She has been away for hours. And she would only go to the store to buy buttons for her coat." 
Her daughter was part of the college group that used to hang out at our house every week. She had been discouraged lately, but college people often are. 
In trying to be helpful, I  asked the mom what he daughter had said to her.
"Oh, she only left a note." 
"What did the note say?" 
When the mother read it to me... I had this sinking feeling. 
Later when I was thinking about the daughter's note, my mind made word associations with "button."  In Dutch, that word is also used for making a noose with a rope.
Maybe it was only a cry for help, but I called the mother back. 
Initially she did not want to believe her daughter's note was a suicide note. So I explained the word association. She finally got second thoughts and started involving more people in the search for her daughter.
The next day I  heard of the daughter's botched up suicide attempt.

There were two suicides that did not fail. People who were in my circle of friends. They were older, and may have made attempts before, that I did not know of. 
In December the rate of suicides peak. Why? Isn't it supposed to be the happiest time of the year? For many it is. But for equally many it is the most stressful time of the year (often job and family).
Suicide prevention is fairly easy to learn. You don't need a degree in psychology for that. Just picture seeing your friend drowning -what would you do?
Bytheway, you may print out this post for anyone who's dealing with a friend/relative who's in this position


These are the symptoms:
- usually they have been depressed for some time. Some are very good in hiding this, and may not take any medication.
- They may have a great job, and a family who loves them. They even may have close friends.
Yet, they have isolated themselves - in their mind (that's why you do not leave them alone, once you have established they may harm themselves).
- the greatest danger for suicide is when people have been very depressed, and suddenly they seem to feel "better." But that is when they have actually taken the decision to do the harmful act, and they are relieved about it.
-The suicide note is not only "a cry for help" as you saw in the story above. They do not leave a note though!

You have to be very direct with them to find out how serious they are about suicide. It is about life and death, so do not beat around the bush!
Ask 3 questions: 

1)do you have a plan? If they do, let them tell you their plan. 

Also ask how serious are they about it (are they just thinking about it vaguely, like a wish?  The more detailed their plan, and responses to questions  2 and 3 are, the more serious they are.

2)when are you going to do it? Referring to time and place. let them tell you when

3)How are you going to do it?  Referring to "tools", like gun, pills, rope, by drowning, etc.

What do you do when it's serious? Serious means imminent danger. Do not leave them alone. Not even for half an hour! It takes only a few seconds to pull a trigger, or ingest an overdose while going to the bathroom.
Call the police or their physician. If they don't have a doc., call the police or 911.

What to do when one is thinking about it, but not,   " I'm going to do it this week."
*  Get them out of their isolation
*  Make sure - go with them  to their doc or your physician if they don't have one,
    to get anti-depressants (If they resist medication, tell them, 
   "Just for a few weeks."). But that is not enough.
*  Make sure that you call them regularly, or do things with them 
   (getting them out of their isolation, giving them the feeling that you care)
*  Make his or her social network as wide as possible 
   (that's not Facebook, but friends meeting with him or her, face to face). 
* They will resist, trying to stay isolated. So you might need some help there from others. 
   Tell them that it is okay to be depressed, but they don't have to stay there. 
   (they often feel guilty, ashamed, or weak)

*  Crisis-therapy helps enormously. Help your friend get there. Go with him or her. 
   Sit in the waiting room and bring him or her back home.
   It's okay when others pay for the therapy. 
   Give your friend the phone number of a 24 hour crisis hot line.

Hope I have been clear enough. If you have some questions, please do not hesitate to email me Jeannette(dot)Coevorde1(at)yahoo(dot)com