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To live and enjoy every day to its fullest, use my gifts to help others, I travel to wherever passion finds me.

What Will She Paint?

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Friday, December 11, 2009

WHEN THINGS GO DIFFERENT THAN EXPECTED



Guess I'm still not done playing around with my backgrounds LOL. That's my playful side. The next is my helpful side.
This second stress relieving post in December is to give you some suggestions to make life and relationships easier on you. The first one was about boundaries and coming home in the holidays (a few posts down). This is one about perceptions and reality.

In the candlelight of upcoming Christmas events and "good will towards men", as well as the week later when many make New Year's resolutions, our glasses may tend to be rosy colored and our motive to do our best may be very genuine. But what are your expectations?

Before we moved to a new downsized house this year, our TV broke down, so we decided that we would buy a new one after we would sell our old house. To our big relief exactly a week before Thanksgiving escrow closed. Yay!
We had not watched TV for half a year, so when we watched one of the reality shows where the house is remodeled, it inspired me to this post.

This couple knew what they wanted, but had never  remodeled a whole room. They thought that they could build a new bathroom over the weekend, without any help.
It started to rain, it got freezing cold, the kids got sick and after the weekend and 5 days into the next week the husband finally finished the sub floor. Everything else, like changing the plumbing, putting in a shower, bathtub, sinks, cabinets, lights, etc. still needed to be done!
When one wants something to happen, there is more needed than expectation that it wil happen! It is called reality!

To help you gauge your own development on expectations which may llead to stress I devised a few questions to ask yourself. I made this one for the specific purpose of this post/article. You may print this out for you or a friend, as long as you include the copyright -thank you!

                          EXPECTATIONS  QUESTIONNAIRE

COPYRIGHT: ©Jeannette St Germain
Instruction: circle the one that is true for you at this moment
Never=1 point  Sometime=2 points   Half of the time=3 points   
Frequent =4 points   Always=5 points


1.    When I start on a project, I always seem to run out of time, 
       and can't make the deadline.
Never     sometimes     half of the time     frequent     always 

2.    If I want to buy someone a present, I just buy it on credit and 
       don't give myself a time line to pay it off.
Never    sometimes   half of the time   frequent   always

3.    If things do not work out like expected, I move heaven and earth 
       to get the result I want.
Never   sometimes   half of the time   frequent   always

4.    I think "it;s time for dad, mom... (fill in person in question) 
       to grow up. You'll see, he/she  won't forget me this Christmas.
Never   sometimes   half of the time   frequent   always

5.    I can stop drinking (whatever you like to do) whenever I want to - 
       it's just a matter of putting my mind to it.
Never   sometime   half of the time   frequent   always

6.    I don't need any help. I just don't like to be obligated to people.
Never   sometime   half of the time   frequent   always

7.    My children will care for me in my old age. That's where
       I'm counting on.
Never   sometime   half of the time   frequent   always

8.    I don't like plans - its' so forced. I don't keep an appointment 
       book either. I like life as it comes.
Never   sometime   half of the time   frequent   always

9.    I don't have time for new appointments or friends. 
       I'm booked solid for 4 months straight.
Never   sometime   half of the time   frequent   always

10. You say to your sister/brother/coworker, "Since you don't have 
       anything planned, and I have another party to go to after this one, 
       why don't you clean up here afterward?"
COPYRIGHT: ©Jeannette St Germain

Never=1 point  Sometime=2 points   Half of the time=3 points   
Frequent =4 points   Always=5 points


With 3 points or more: 
start working on your expectations to be more reality based.
With 5 points or more : 
please look at the items with the highest number of points, and start working on these areas. It helps when your family and friends work in this together. In other words, it may not be you who has unrealistic expectations, but your friends, coworkers or people you are closely connected to.COPYRIGHT: ©Jeannette St Germain

How did you do? The holidays are a great opportunity to see how your expectations turn out! The comments have been very helpful!! It  all depends on how have have learned to cope with stress in our life, how we will react to unrealistic expectations. It is an interplay between you, environmental situations, others, organization, and time. So, if expectations are unrealistic, it may not be your fault at all!

Curious where or what you may set yourself or others up to, regarding the areas to which the questionnaire points to? To make this post not too long , I'll post them in a day or so.


12 comments:

Gaelyn said...

That was interesting, I didn't do too badly and need to work on #6. I find life is more exciting if I have no expectations and take what comes my way. All good advice.

ANNA-LYS said...

IF I can't find the time to answer this questions, am I then good at priorities or just plane stressed?

May the Light be with You!

Protege said...

Interesting post, I will try to take the test.;) I am not sure I completely follow the scoring though, but I guess I am just slow.;))
Have a great weekend,
xo
Zuzana

jeannette stgermain said...

Gaelyn,
Thank you! It really depends on how we grew up -that's often thing how the world works, because we have heard our parents say it so many times, that it is embedded in the neuro- structure of our brain:)

jeannette stgermain said...

Annalys,
the questions in the questionnaire point to one's expectations. How we respond to that, all depends on how our coping mechanisms work (which we have "learned" from our parents/caretakers -the good news is that we can also UN-learn things:) )

jeannette stgermain said...

Zuzanna,
Ah, you like to know how things work!
I'm afraid that it will be a very complicated answer, because it has to do with research design, statistics, and more of those subjects...since this is not a research project, hopefully it will suffice to say that a few questions may peek your interest, OR
you may give a print of this to someones who is struggling with that.
But the comments help me though to write better and more clearly:)

Patience-please said...

I expect to still be tired tonight! How am I doing!!!

jeannette stgermain said...

With the job you have, I expect you to be still tired too to night (smile) -take care!

Whitemist said...

Does ANYTHING ever go as expected?
That is a life question for sure!~

jeannette stgermain said...

Joey,
We "grow up" when we're able to roll with the punches of life...you're right we're never done with that question in life.
What I've seen though is that many adults have not had "parenting/mentoring" concerning emotional responses to expectations, which may result in unnecessary stress and even depression. I love to help with this!

The Green Stone Woman said...

Jeannette, I answered 'never' a lot and 'sometimes' sometimes. Is there hope for me?

Whitemist said...

I like these post, some how they assure me I AM okay, despite all.
Thank you.